It’s Thursday…

But I’ve got a bad case of the Mondays going on and I don’t know why: I’m three loads of laundry into my day, ground beef for spaghetti is thawing in the fridge, I’m right where I need to be in coursework and I just fired off my super-duper (I hope) resume to a place that’s had delayed openings for three months on my side of town. Wireless internet is working, the coffee is hot. We just need milk, eggs, and bread, some chips, all totally in my $650/5 weeks/8 mouths plan, no worries there. I really need to get into “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight” and “Tintern Abbey” for my lit classes. Whatever induced me to take both in one semester is gone, they are now despised.

Does anyone hate the first cigarette of the day? Perhaps it’s the biggest holdover from when I drank and it’s the reason I feel gross. It used to be that I’d hold off smoking as long as absolutely possible after my usual night of bacchanalian craziness to smoke, even going into the next day when I got to work at 4. First drag and ALL the memories would come back, some kind of physiological trigger linked to memory, I don’t know. Onto my second drag, whereupon I’d look up shocked at Wide-Eyes and Red, my former drinking buddies and say: “We shoplifted from Walmart/How many Jaegerbombs were there/Did I really drunk dial my boss/I made out with THAT!!?” So, I ducked out by the trashcans and smoked and now I feel gross.

On the menu are extensive phone calls to resolve unemployment issues, determine if I can switch from an arts to a sciences degree and if I’m even signed up for graduation this May. My mom will kill me if I don’t walk but here’s my impression of visiting someone’s commencement ceremonies:

Traffic traffic traffic. Drive drive search for a parking space.

Waitwaitwaitlineslineslinestry to find a spot.

Cram 9 people into one row, if possible. Pass around a bottle of Ritalin for the 8 of 9 family members with ADD/ADHD.

Wait for ceremony to start.

Snoozalicious keynotes and lots of names of people who are special because they HAVE to be there, ON STAGE, listening to someone yabber about higher enrollment or a new computer lab (I find a new one every semester, or so I thought, until I realized that they were there ALL along…why build new ones when we can just build better signs pointing to the 47 we have already have?)

Then the names. My school, for being a community college, had an enrollment of 14,000 people just in this past fall, and everyone graduates in May regardless of when they finish their degree, so that equals out to a crapton of people and names.

Then….”Malachi B. Corrupt”!

*family does 9-man wave, woop woop!*

Then it’s a reverse from two lines above to traffic, and next thing ya know, the day is gone and I’m holding a diploma. Probably out $90 minimum to participate in this as well.


So, that’s why I really don’t want to “walk”. I’ve spent 7 years on and off obtaining this degree, 5 of those being after high school. Puh-leez, I just want to have done something awesome for my high school reunion!



About Malachi the Drink Slinger

Finally transferring to that four year school in January, my goals made, my life set, the blinders dropped, my past signed and sealed, my future bright and airy, a writer, a thinker, a feeler, someone who is enthralled by beauty, an artist worth slightly more than two shits, a lover, a fighter, a person on the way to become the person I have always wanted to be....

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