Roll Call!


Well, the Pub has been open for four months, so I figure I’d take a page out of purple girl’s book and do a nice roll call of my fellow coworkers for y’all’s benefit. I laugh because I’ve already edited this list twice, each time promising our static crew. Hopefully this is a good representation of who I generally work with, and those who are gone.

The Big DOGS:

Bossman (owner): Big and gruff, yet stunningly polite, well mannered and soft-spoken when he opens his mouth, the owner is a man to respect but very kind. He’s already passed out our bonuses for maintaining our A’s on the liquor inventory and stood up for me when the competition’s cocktail waitresses stole $300 from the Pub.

Princess Peach (GM): Think the Princess’ hair, Southern gentility, and just the FREAKING. NICEST. PERSON. I’m waiting for something to be seriously wrong with her because I just cannot fathom someone being kind without drifting into being a pushover. [edit] having an affair for weeks with the bouncer while her boyfriend was out of town and then inviting him back and apparently maintaining close ties to both, makes us wonder what’s going on [/edit]. We’ve worked hard on her to get her to relax, she used to zoom around criticizing and nitpicking us to the point that it disrupted simple multitasking and we started fucking up. I think everyone works well together under her and I respect her a lot, I’m very grateful I’ve got a good set of bosses.

Bob/Bossman II (AGM): a quiet, hands off person and good friend of the owner, Bob really balances out Peach, for every time she jumps up, rushes to a conclusion, frets, worries or criticizes, he is the opposite, and vice versa. I think together they make a solid team.

Q (KM): a big black lady, very sharp wit, amazing cook. Most likely to make new people cry. [edit] No one has cried yet, and she’s actually ridiculously cool. Before she does anything critical, she always acknowledges what we already do and then asks us her small requests (double check buss tubs BEFORE the kitchen staff leaves so it’s not a mess for them bright and early, you know?) and I love it. I don’t get stuck feeling like I’m always getting ground down in some cyclical screw up-get yelled at-screw-up-more, bam, no one wins that game, which was the biggest case at the Fish Haus. [/edit] [edit II] a person to withdraw in herself and not speak to anyone while managing, she also expresses a fair amount of good humor to balance out Peach’s frets and Bob’s silence. Runs an excellent kitchen. [/edit II].

The BARFLIES:

Gary: As in Gary Cooper, the oldest male bartender we have. Ripped right from “Sgt York”, just add 20 years. Well mannered, classical gentleman, and a non-drinker like me. I’ll bring the sweet tea to this party and see what I can learn from him. His wife is SMOKING hot. [edit] he’s bouncy and crazy to the point where he just opens his mouth to say what he will without getting flack from anyone, which leads me to ask…why is he the only one to not get flack? Just his age? [edit/]

Dawn: think Dawn French from French and Saunders or the Vicar of Dibley on the BBC/UK. Humor, looks, and really sexy in that way that sneaks up on you. Imported from local Coyote Ugly establishment. Former proprietor of some of the best bars in the area. Most likely to tell a stupid new person to just….leave….Knew her in the Before as a coworker and lifelong friend of my GM at the Fish Haus. [edit] best…bartender….ever. Seriously. Watching her work has helped me improve dramatically at my work [/edit].

Eiffel: Very nice but super tall. Knew her in the Before at a local dive bar between my neighborhood and the Fish Haus (last restaurant I worked for, just closed over a month ago) when she was pregnant. She’s had the kid now and left the dive for bigger and better. Most likely to get into a dispute with management and quit. She has the unfortunate “resume stain” of having worked for one of the 3 top bars in our town, but it was the one that was the drug den/after hours place. [edit] keep friends close and enemies closer? I keep DD and Eiffel in touch, not only because we knew each other before the Pub and like each other as work friends, but to make sure their ways which I always suspect are visible in my eyes…to keep an eye on them since I distrust them the most. [/edit]

DD: Knew her in the Before at an upscale bar when I moved back to my hometown and started working at the Fish Haus. She’s worked in fine-dining before and is my favorite teammate on the nights we serve together. Having spent almost 10 years in the industry in this town, her path and mine have crossed several times before, but this is only the first time we’ve worked together. She and I share a lot of ‘in-jokes’ and are probably the closest. [/edit] too much drama. We still chitchat but her drama kills me sometimes. [/edit]

Dean Martin: His criminal record is as long as I am tall, but he’s a funny, outgoing and ridiculously hard worker who keeps his nose clean these days and just got promoted from barback to bartender. [edit] honeymoon period is over, he’s whiny, mopey, contentious and refuses to accept any kind of criticism. He’s been proven as a liability over and over again and I’m just waiting for him to get himself fired. Don’t get me wrong, we work very well together because I trust him but his rough edges are getting worse and he refuses help. [/edit]

The Departed:

Smile: Short and round, this girl is probably my closest friends even though we only work together one night a week. No matter how slammed we are, we’re always reminding each other to smile even when we’re going crazy. She’s an import from a “Cheers” style bar on our side of town, so high volume, erm, isn’t her thing (nor mine). Add to the fact that the bar isn’t set up for high volume service bartending to waitstaff AT ALL and, heh, it’s a steep learning curve. Smile and I, as the least experienced in this amount of volume have banded together and proceeded to rock out. [edit] Momma Bear apparently pushed Smile out of her job back before we realized she was a fucking cuckoo snake. Bad move. Smile is best friends with Peach and comes in when I bartend to chat. She no longer works for us except as needed on the weekends [/edit].

Hot Stuff: Think really….really….really sexy. Completely out of my league. Hyper without being all over the place, OCD without being a bitch, and crazy nice to look at. She is what I imagine Sauce to be like. OK, think auburn-raspberry highlighted Cate Blanchett with big eyes and slightly softer features. OK, maybe not. Whatever. [edit] And I think she is a psycho. Seriously. I’m waiting for her to come back from wherever she disappeared to for a week before I make that decision. [/edit] [edit] Completely psychotic, we have watched her become unglued over the past few weeks as she has exhibited all of the symptoms of a meth habit. I mean, we’ve skipped over adderall and cocaine, we’re at the meth stage of diagnosis, that’s how badly and rapidly she devolved. Finally went crazy with delusions of grandeur and persecution, accused everyone of stealing from her, and threatened Peach with explicit violence and is no longer here. [/edit]

Momma Bear: Nightlife businesswoman aficionado, MB has had, like Dawn, her finger in many an enterprise on this side of town for 20+ years and knows her stuff. From beer quota, liquor cost, food presentation, scheduling, labor, to how many trashcans we need, she’s a wealth of information. She’s assertive and in your face and astonishingly high energy but can rub me the wrong way at times because she’s EXACTLY.LIKE. ME. Ergo, one of us has to just shut up at all times to allow us to get along. [edit] she’s gone, a massive cokehead who spiralled into instability and insanity and wound up raising hell for all of us [/edit]. I’m glad she’s gone.

September(AGM): Funny, slender, and hyper as hell, most likely to get in my face and be a bitch, then apologize later.

The LESSER MORTALS (a.k.a. the waitstaff because I’m now a server AND a bartender)

The full-time waitstaff (versus just the bar slash servers up above) are each so termed for their most attractive physical asset: Teeth and I go back with DD to waiting tables a few years ago, I met them two years ago after moving back from the islands. Teeth is…interesting. She’s in her marriage still for the kids so her and her husband are seeing other people, but it’s still awkward to see her husband drop her off one night and then her play pool after work with man #2 another night, but, c’est la vie in the industry. She got drunk far too many times at work and is outta here.

Legs comes from a neighboring town’s number 1 bar as a cocktail waitress (something about her doesn’t sit right….more to come later) and she and I get along the most as coworkers and have hung outside of work. Face is actually freaking hilarious, hard-assed out of the bunch and the most enigmatic. We believe she’s having an affair with Q.

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About Malachi the Drink Slinger

Finally transferring to that four year school in January, my goals made, my life set, the blinders dropped, my past signed and sealed, my future bright and airy, a writer, a thinker, a feeler, someone who is enthralled by beauty, an artist worth slightly more than two shits, a lover, a fighter, a person on the way to become the person I have always wanted to be....

2 comments

  1. Pingback: First Comment Goes To….. « savingmalachi

  2. Dear Malachi, for the past two hours ive been reading your blog and love how you write. How you describe people and use terms like “touched in the mind” are refreshing and new to me. From your vocabulary, i am guessing you are not originally from the US but possibly from the UK? Anyways, look forward to hearing more about your experience at your work and want to say thank you for sharing!

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