It is always a time to give thanks:
I am thankful for church, and the peace as I begin a journey back into my grounding faith and the reminder that God is there, I have hope in him, and that I can only be whole through my faith.
I thank God for steampunk and alternative history fiction, for blowing my mind in awesome ways and encouraging me to sit down and write my “tentative” steampunk trilogy I have been sitting on for a long time.
I am thankful for having a “dolphin” piercing and doing some radical things to my hair to break out of the box. I have my piercings and tattoos designed and can’t wait to start implementing them next year. I am thankful for Express because it’s helped me put myself into the threads I wear. And yet I still won’t wear shoes that cost more than $30.
I am thankful for Skrillex and all waves of dubstep music (and of course, Pendulum and other drum-and-bass bands). For the jukebox at work and my coworkers for opening my ears to awesome and different kinds of music. Also because Skrillex vs. Adele mashups, Skrillex vs. KoRn! and Skrillex vs. Deadmau5 mashups are what orgasms must sound like when angels who look like Gerard Butler and Gary Oldman screw your eardrums with delicious Italian food while wearing snazzy sweaters from Express.
For my mom and dad and siblings for the way we laugh and joke and talk, deeper and honestly about so much than we have before. That we still talk in a code-switching melee of different languages movie quotes, inside jokes. That we have grown and changed and still are family bound in love.
That as the new year dawns I have continued to try and keep open lines of communication with my three best friends in the world. I got lost when my world shifted many times in just a few years but they are always there and I can pick up he phone and act like nothing happened. I don’t like one’s new wife but I love on her because God loved me when I didn’t deserve it and I can’t help but do the same. I won’t let friend #2 watch “The Adjustment Bureau” because it reminds both of us when adolescent hormones made us crazy in love as Beyonce would say. I love the third because she is my random joy and laughter and all three encourage my faith.
That I apologized from the bottom of my heart and sought forgiveness and made amends to some people I truly hurt. Maybe there will never be resolution, forgiving or forgetting, but I did my best and I refuse to make these mistakes again.
I wrote about some sad things I endured and by placing them on paper and kissing the envelope goodbye I can move on and haven’t thought of them in a long time.
I am thankful for my base of regulars that guarantee consistent income. As the bar keeps screwing itself out of money (and I mean the bar staff, since I primarily serve) by their negative down-talking of “we aren’t making shit” I am thankful that serving has kept me sane and in money.
I am thankful for my boyfriend, Rufio, a wonderful fit to my heart who makes me so happy. He is so different from me but so awesome, a puzzle piece I need. I stay clean and healthy and focused because of him, I couldn’t stand to lose someone because one day I decided that snorting an eightball would be the best thing in the world.
I am thankful for this godawful semester because it showed me how to make next semester epic!
I am thankful for my small yet awesome staff of coworkers. I think that one GM can be a bit mean spirited, and doesn’t really like me or thinks of me as an easy target because I refuse to be one of the “girls” (thank you, certain ideas of Jack Malebranche for helping me find my sexual identity!) but has been so laid back and professional about other things that I can’t get angry. I think the other GM can be a snark condescending bully with a short temper but when criticized I say “you know my work, it speaks for itself” and he stops short and apologizes for his temper. He also moved my shifts around discreetly to avoid working with GM #1 because of reasons every coworker can’t stand her.
I am thankful for the people I work with. Always a good time, that honestly we never think or talk about the money or the side work….we get in, get it down, get out and love each other the whole way through.
2011 had is low points, but I am reminded of how epic and wonderful it was for me and how it will ONLY GET BETTER! =)